Failure

I guess there comes a time for everyone that they have to do things they don't want to do, but absolutely must. It's hard, it's heartbreaking, and I don't understand why my relationships always fail. I've never had a successful one. That happily ever after dream is escaping further and further from my grasp. With each one that goes awry, I get more used to it failing and the next relationship I enter is pretty much doomed before it begins. I'm so sick of failure.

But the only part that give me hope, is that my standards for a relationship are getting higher and higher. God is weeding out the misconceived notions I formed through childhood and adolescence, and I know there is no such thing as an 'ideal' relationship, but I want a relationship that displays the glory of God and him working in both of our lives. I want purity, and wholeness. I want not to be dragged down, but lifted up by the person I am with, and pushed toward the Lord. I hate turning into some controlling, neurotic being. I want a love story, a 'let me tell you how we met and how God brought us together' story. I don't believe these are just fanciful dreams, and why shouldn't God write me a love story that blows everything out of the water?! He is the author and creator of romance, is He not?! I want to do the things the right way, but I cannot ever seem to do it.

I trust that God does have a story written, I am just not ready, or I am not seeing things His way yet, so he is not able to show me what he has for me yet. I must whip into shape, and rid myself of anything that gets in the way of what he is planning. And God help anyone who tries to get in my way, for I my anger fire is becoming stoked, and I will burn to bits any deterrent or distraction. I've had enough failure.