Something greater than finals is here...

I wasn't able to study for finals very much yesterday, not because I didn't have everything right there in front of me, ready to be reviewed... but because of that immense 'something' that I needed to do. I was fighting the tears with everything I had. The only thing I knew was that I needed help... so I called my pastor, and we figured out together that I was holding on to something. We talked some more over my shameful sobbing, and I realized that I had been carrying so much grief and guilt around for the past few months. I asked him how to get rid of it, and he said that I was taking the first step, by asking for help and confessing sin.

I drove to Kurt's house, barely able to steer at moments because of the tears and the immense weight that bore down upon me. I could scarcely breathe for moments because of the heaving sobs. It was everything I could do to keep from breaking down and losing my mind. It hurt so much when I realized how much what I was going to say to Kurt would hurt him, because he always tried to show us the way of righteousness, to lead us in the way of understanding, to show us how to fight sin, to teach us why God's way is always better. Because I knew how disappointed he would be. I think that was why I had prolonged talking with them about it so long.

So it's all out in the open now, I don't have to harbor it any more. Relief flooded my heart, soothed my aching soul after talking with Kurt. I'm not in this alone anymore. I am broken and humbled now, but I like it here. I'm not anxious about keeping up appearances anymore. I am a sinner to the core, and I don't care who knows it. I need Christ to my core, for He is my righteousness, He is my only hope.

Confess your sins, one to another, and be healed.

I was able to study for about an hour this morning, and I believe I did extremely well on my Metabolism I final. There was only one question that I wasn't sure about. Praise God for that, it's his mercy alone, not because I had studied like good student, but because I realized that something greater than finals was here.