On the verge of some terribly great anticipation...

I am so scared, Lord, I am so afraid. My tears have run dry, I have no more left. How fearful am I about taking this plunge into the unknown. Parents, friends, my pastor, just keep reassuring me that what is on the other side is supremely valuable, and I know that anything must be better than this wasteland I now inhabit. And yet still, I am fearful. This is all I know - I am a sinner to the core, and I am afraid. Not of hell, not of dying. But of the vast unknown that is Jesus. I am so terrified that I fear I am even afraid of my own Rescuer. I find myself in this agonizing pit, desiring to be found and pulled out, and yet so afraid of what mystery lies outside that I fearfully remain. I can only hope this plight is temporary, that this sick feeling in my core will waste away. I just want to scream and yell, in anger toward my unwarranted mistrust and fear. I must be going to burst at any moment. This bomb inside me is ticking, and I am so terrified of the explosion. I thought my tears had run dry, but now again comes the flood.

"Therefore I am now going to allure her; I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her." Hosea 2:14